Slow down? 

There was a time
when there was always a tomorrow—
a moment stretched longer, as
there was a future from which I could borrow.

And then I got locked
into a room with one
who stared in my face.
There was nowhere to run.

Love was outside, reaching.
I tried, I endured, I survived—
but I came out of the room
not tired, but energized.

Am I energized,
or is it fear?
What got into the room with me—
is that near?

I want to do, do more
before I get trapped again.
Will it be enough?
Will it be worth the pain?

I used to do less
to feel—love, joy, and sorrow.
But by living a day at a time,
I lost the morrow.


Do I need to slow down?

Declaration of War

one step at a time
I marched along the road
the path may be winded
but I could see where it goes

there were no drums
there were no cries
there were sirens
and there were sighs

I could see the signs now
it couldn’t be that bad – i thought
one building to another
a forced march they had brought

the fog crept in
but I could only see to my right and to my left
it was time to scout forward
but also to introspect

the armory was ready for me
my veins pumped
there I was, put in a machine,
alone, with a heart that thumped

a letter came out of the fog
it was a declaration of war
it came, with no fault of my own- nothing would be the same anymore

I could no longer see where i am going-
I was bracing for impact
was it was my end
or a pyrrhic victory that I was getting at ?

The Shower

It’s all bursting out
but people cant be around
to see me,
naked and down

I need to hide,
to turn on the shower,
and to stay inside
until the water drowns the noise,
until my tears flow down the drain,
and until nobody’s out there to wait

if I see someone when I come out,
“my eyes are red,
because soap got into them”
“they are moist,
because of the shower”
“my body shakes,
because I feel cold”

I need to go inside again
I need the shower on
I can’t let them see me
without my clothes on

See You

I saw you standing there-
in the middle of the sea
the horizon was never clearer
and the storm became a breeze

the current was shouting out our names
while the waves rocked us closer
it was at the sea, when all of time stopped for me
and it is the sea where now I am headed

A lone traveller, I ended up with the prize
and now I am no longer alone
for beside me is another pair of eyes
living the same dreams as my own

An ode to the blue eyed boy of the hills

The climb is steep and our loads heavy. The oxygen is low for us city boys. The air too clean and the beauty too serene. We march behind our new found friend Ashish – a local from the nearby village named Sari the place where our adventure began.

To the Lake of the Goddesses – Deoriatal

A tiny village, it had only the most basic facilities. Perhaps that was the reason behind its untouched beauty, or perhaps the fruits of development were yet to reach there. The first leg of our trek was a 3 Kilometer hike to the Deoriatal Lake. The lake lies in the lap of the hills beside Sari. It was early summer so small shops serving juice made of the indigenous rhododendron made our little trip more refreshing than it already was. The route to the lake is rich in biodiversity with many migratory birds nesting there throughout the year. After a steady climb, we reached the campsite and quickly unpacked to watch the sun setting between the snow-clad mountains. A small trail down the hill led us to the majestic Deoriatal Lake. A view like that shouted a group photograph.

Back at the camp, Ashish who was as young as us was preparing dinner for us. Apart from his unmatched knowledge of the hills, he had excellent culinary skills. The food he prepared for us throughout the trip never let us miss our home. We asked Ashish to join us on the table and he shared the next day’s plan with us.

The Jungle Trail

The best part about sleeping in tents is that you don’t need an alarm to wake up. Nature made sure that we are always at the vantage point for the sunrise. We quickly geared up for the next leg of the journey – the longest one in the itinerary, a sixteen-kilometer trek from Deoriatal to the beautiful village of Chopta. Being beginners at trekking, the 16 km seemed daunting. And more daunting was the fact that the next water source would be a river twelve kilometers away from where we were. Ashish packed us some lunch and we backpacked our way across to the first checkpoint. The first climb is always the hardest – something Ashish said to motivate those in the group who were already doubting themselves just after a few hundred meters. We knew the toil was going to be worth it – he made sure that we did. As for myself, I took the task of ensuring that everybody reduces their water consumption to the bare minimum. It is funny how my friends who raided my lunchbox every other day let me ration something like water in the interest of our survival. Of course, it was as fun to take the jungle trek as seriously as I am describing it right now. People do see a leopard or two if they hang around on the trail for too late, and that was motivation enough for the slowest among us to catch up (not taking any names here).

 

At the halfway point, we reached a mountain grassland called Rohini Bugyal where the herders brought their cows to graze. The sun at that time was directly above us and Ashish advised us to stop there to have lunch. We had the more than filling paranthas he packed for us and lied down on to the grass for a short nap, basking in the glory of the sun. After a rejuvenating thirty minutes, we reluctantly got up to resume our trek to the next checkpoint – the Aakash Kamini river. With our new found energy, we doubled up our speed and reached the sparkling river. Ashish went in first and dared us to stand in the cold water for more than five minutes and not surprisingly, we couldn’t. After rehydrating ourselves and splashing the cold water on our faces, we moved on to complete the last four kilometers of the trek to reach the village Chopta.

Chopta – Aptly called the Mini Switzerland of India

Throughout our walk through the woods, we were quite surprised how suddenly a steep, tree-covered slope become flat and made the most beautiful grasslands called Bugyals in local parlance. Chopta was located on one such Bugyals. It was a small village and most people were either catering to the needs of the tourists or were herders. Upon our arrival, we were welcomed by a couple of friends of Ashish. All our food and lodging on the trip was taken care of by Ashish. The most remarkable thing about him was his standing amongst all the villagers. Wherever we went, he started working as a temporary employee- cooking and cleaning for the owner of the place we stayed to earn something more than his guiding charges. We were more than happy by the meals prepared by him and it was very satisfying to eat more than double of what we ate back at home after that long a trek. Chopta’s only source of electricity was small solar panels installed by the villagers and all lights were turned off by 11 PM. This gave us an opportunity to get out our rooms in the chilly weather and take a walk under the star-studded sky.

The climb starts again – Onto the Tungnath Temple and Chadrashila Peak

Unlike the jungle trek on which we went both uphill and downhill, the path to the temple went only up. Tungnath temple is the highest temple of Lord Shiva in the world and is one of the five kedars. The path to the temple was lined by devotees and travelers alike and the enthusiasm among them was remarkable. The path to the temple had small shops after every kilometer serving the most refreshing tea and local sweets. The temple was located at about 12,000 feet above the sea level and the plan was to stay there at night and move to the Chandrashila Peak to catch the sunrise. We reached Tungnath in about two hours and had the best Aalo Jeera we have had in years. In the evening, we attended the Tungnath Baba Aarti and retired to our beds after dinner.

At 3:30 AM, we got out of our beds and readied our cameras to catch the sunrise at Chandrashila Peak. A few mountain dogs met us at the base of the climbs and moved up as we did. The climb to Chandrashila had quite a steep gradient. It took us about half an hour to cover the remaining 1 km of the peak which got us to 12,800 feet – the highest on this trip. From the starry heavens and the sight of the beautiful Milky Way, the sky slowly turned blue and the sound of birds chirping filled the silence of the night. While we waited for the sun to rise, we set up our equipment to capture the first light coming from between the Chaukhamba and Nanda Devi Mountains. We set up the equipment to shoot the scene amongst many others who were readying for the same shot as us. I made it a point to use a shutter release so as to catch the light with my bare eyes and not through the camera. As the sun rose, a photo session began all over the peak. Soon, we bid our fellow climbers farewell and started the journey down to our room at Tungnath. From now on, we went only down and after packing up, we raced down the path to Chopta.

Farewell

At this point, it felt weird to leave Ashish to go our way back to Delhi. He had become an inseparable part of our group. I remember that while being on the trip, we naively suggested him to do a tourism course to advance his career. We only got to know later how the situation at his home is. He is the only earning member of the family of four – his parents both deaf and dumb could only do so much. And his is not a unique story. Many small villages like Sari are deprived of the comforts we in cities take for granted and their people solely depend upon the income they earn from tourists like us. Our 5 days with Ashish taught us more about life than mountains. His positivity never let any of us see through his struggle. I am quite happy that apart from the break we got from our daily lives, we found a brother on this trip. I would end with an appeal to all those who plan on going to the hills anytime soon, try and always take a guide with you.

And if you plan on going to Deorital-Chandrashila trek or other nearby places including the Panch Kedars, Chandratal, and Brahmtal, do hit Ashish up! He would happily pick up your call : +91 9759216336 .

Arachnophobia 

it was dark in the cave
until the moonlight crept in
a glimmer of light
bounced off the vacuum
a thousand sprites
floated around me
wearing garments of fine silk
shining in the light of the night
and suddenly I wasn’t alone. 

the threads, they-
started pulling my arms and legs
twisting and turning me
driving me to a breakdown
as if what had happened
wasn’t enough-
ghosts of the past
they come when all life goes
why god, was I not left alone?  

the sun’s too bright in the day
it is the night when you see them
mistakes and memories
they weave a web around you
and when you get stuck-
strings that tie your story
start tearing you apart,
until you stop moving
until you are done. 

I was trapped-
a lamb to the slaughter
waiting for the monster to come
but no one came
and I lay their waiting.
I wasn’t afraid of the spider
I was afraid of the web
I was afraid of the night
and I was afraid of myself.

Goodnight

Image result for pillow

when I am alone
she listens to me scream
while hushing me to sleep
giving me the comfort I need  

when I cry
she gives me her shoulder
making my tears her own
until I find my solace  

when there is nothing left
I will have her with me
listening to the same tune
of the second’s hand ticking  

and when I am gone,
she will keep my teardrops safe
until they take her cover away
to try and wash off all that was mine  

but my face was buried deep
into her soft skin-
what I gave her won’t come off easy
she will go to another
giving them a part of me
until my tears become theirs
and theirs become mine.  

Goodnight, My Pillow.
Thank you.

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